i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
