apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He shit in the fireplace
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
