Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
