What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
