Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Small penises have feelings too.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He did a backflip because drugs
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
