Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize