What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize