Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
