a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Houston, we have a blender
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
