I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
