Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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