I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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