i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
