All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
