I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
