i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
