dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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