The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
