Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(253): View more from Washington

Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.

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(323): View more from California

question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line

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(578): View more from

drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm

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(702): View more from Nevada

Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.

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(936): View more from Texas

You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home

(254): View more from Texas

Challenge accepted.

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(518): View more from New York

in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility

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(651): View more from Minnesota

So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys

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(404): View more from Georgia

By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.

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