that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
