Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
