two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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