I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
