you guys were way drunker than both of me
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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