I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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