In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
