I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
