she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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