This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
