Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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