He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
