I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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