no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
