He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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