I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
