if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Can Purell be used as lube?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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