i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
