I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
