There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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