you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
