i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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