Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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