i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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