the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
