He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
