i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
