We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
