no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Randomize
