So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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