There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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