Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
