Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
