Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
