kristin has been a bad kristin
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
