He is an equal opportunity slut.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
