he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She told me I should be a condom model.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
