Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
