Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
