Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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