I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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