i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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