You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
