forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
