I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize