Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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