I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
