i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
