Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
