i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
