I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
