I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
All the doctor said was why
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
