I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Randomize
