I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
