ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
