He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
